Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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