the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
