ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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