if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
