dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
