cat food counts as protein by the way
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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