so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
