i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
