Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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