I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
