ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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