i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
