I puked a lego.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
