What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
