She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize