Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
