I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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