after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
