By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
