where am i from again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
