never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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