This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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