I CAN MOONWALK!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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