So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
