sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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