Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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