i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
