you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
