YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
