My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
