So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
