Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
