two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
