I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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