i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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