I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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