Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
