Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
