The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
