I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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