guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
