My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
