Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
