When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Soap is not a condiment
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
