So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
