Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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