She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
