it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
