Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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