Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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