he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize