Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
