Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
