Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
