dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
