She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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