I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize