I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
