I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
