how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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