the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
