1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
