The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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