I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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