I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
