and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
