I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
