I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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