ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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