I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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