I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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