i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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