somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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