A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
