i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
PANTIES FOUND
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