I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
