you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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