All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
