Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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