I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
