He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
