Will you blow on my dice?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
