did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
