I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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