we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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