Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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