So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
