On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
third nipple confirmed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
