my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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