It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
