On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize