she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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