I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
