I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
