That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
