I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
