The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
