I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
