he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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