Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
