I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
