I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
