can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
