you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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