She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
