Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
