Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
