You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
