the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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