It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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