Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
