I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
