last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
