there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
