lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
