Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
