I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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