They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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