The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
