my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
