fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
